French Laundry Survival Guide, Part 1

The French Laundry

Being that this was my first and possibly my last, (oh God I hope not ) time to dine at The French Laundry I have a few reflections and suggestions on how to do it right.  Going to a fabulous restaurant like this requires a few tips for those of us out there who don’t get out of our yoga pants often.

First and foremost, get a reservation, even if it takes a year or two.  A place like The French Laundry is worth the wait.  Do what you can to get your name on the wait list.  Beg, plead, offer your first born child, put in some overtime at work, let your significant other put in some overtime at work and put some good karma out into the world.

Secondly, get your ducks in a row. Make sure you have a reliable sitter for the kiddos, plane ticket, hotel reservations, rental car, sparkly new dress, wallet (full of paper and plastic), extra underwear. You get the drift.

Speaking of stellar babysitters, this is the best friend and the best “Manny” a gal could ask for.  Ladies, not only is this guy single, he’s an ultimate fighting champion AND he bonded with my Lil Bean Sprout for five hours while I ate my heart away at Frenchy.

Ok, once you’re finally there stop, take a deep breath and smell the chicken coop.

 (The Chateau Du Chicken is on the right)

Now take some time to walk around the gardens with a glass of wine from a local winery.  Come on people this is Napa Valley.  The food that you will eat is mostly harvested from the garden. As tempting as it might be, have some self control and don’t pick your own dinner. Trust me Thomas Keller has your back on this one.

Enjoy the views.  The scenery, the smells, the wind and the soil are all a part of your meal.  This is your appetizer before your appetizers.  Each morsel at The French Laundry is blossoming with the essence of the Napa Valley.

Some Additional Pre-Game Deets

Wear something comfy and a bit stretchy, it’s at least a nine course meal.  Don’t even pack the spankx (No, that wasn’t me peeling my spankx off in the Frenchy parking lot).  Make sure you feel as eloquent as the food you are about to eat.   Whatever your style may be, let it fly with all of its gusto and beauty.  You don’t want your plate to show you up.

Make sure your date is as cute as mine (Mom this one’s for you).  I took my brother Grant and I couldn’t have asked for a better date.  This is your time to be choosy.  You wouldn’t give just anyone your extra Super Bowl ticket would you?  Invite the special person in your life who will bask in this artistic cuisine made by a master.  Fancy food makes my m’love back in San Antonio a little nervous.  He was happy at home eating Chipotle burritos for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Either way if you bring someone as special as my brother Grant then your company will bring out the true flavors of each dish.  After all who wants to eat alone?

I know you’re all just itchin’ at your belt buckles to see some French Laundry food porn. Check back soon for Part 2 and don’t forget to plastic baggy your keypad. I promise there will be much for you to drool over.


1 Day Till French Laundry…

On The 12th Day Till French Laundry

My True Love Gave To Me

12 Gracious Gifts

So I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I’m Turning 30 tomorrow!

Quick story: The whole reason this whole French Laundry thing got started was for me to celebrate turning 30 in style (thank you to my Brother). I appreciate anyone who has been following my countdown and apologize to any readers that may have been too cheesed out.  Actually I don’t give a crap if you’re too cheesed out (the new 30 me speaking).

So yes, I’m leaving a decade and entering a new me, the 30’s. These are the gifts I am giving to myself entering this new era and leaving the 20’s in the dust. One thing I’ve learned in 30 years is that the best gifts are the ones you cant see.  Here goes…Dear Me:  1. Honesty, I’ll send it back if it aint good. 2. Say sorry less 3. Be grateful more 4. Commit random acts of kindness, buy a few lunches for random strangers and good friends 5. Laugh 6. Take life less seriously 6. Own my saucy self 7. More hot dates 8. Less time worrying about not taking enough date time 9. Breath for 60 seconds before reacting. 10.  Loving my man even when I’m hungry and grumpy. 11.  Being patient with my Chitlins even when I’m hungry and grumpy.  12.  Eating great food so I don’t get hungry and grumpy.

My date at the French Laundry is the perfect chance to put all of these to the test.  I’ll have a full report for you all soon.  Stay tuned.

2 Days Till French Laundry…

♫♫♫ On The Eleventh Day Till French Laundry

My True Love Gave To Me ♫♫♫

♫♫♫ 11 Wacky Worries…

I’m a huge worry wart. I tend to worry about EVERYTHING. Basically, I spend 98.3% of my day soaked in worry. So yes, going to my dream restaurant, there are no exceptions.

Here it is… airin’ out my own ‘dirty laundry.’ Read ’em and laugh, weep, smirk, feel affirmed, what have you.

11. Will I get foie gras stuck in my teeth?

10. Will I have to burp/fart during this meal?

9. Will my baby (yes, I’m bringing Lil’ Bean with me to the Bay Area) be crying the whole 3-7 hours I am eating my heart out?

8. Will I be sitting next to Cindy Lauper and get the urge to ask for a picture or to smell her chair?

7. Will I forever be tainted from eating anything ‘normal’ again?

8. Will I develop a huge boil on the tip of my nose?

7. Will the Occupy Movement people throw red paint on my new black dress?

6. Will I want to send something back and get kicked out/blackballed from French anything for the rest of my life?

5. Will I totally Embarr-ASS myself taking pictures of my potentially 28 course meal?

4. Will I fall on my face while being seated?

3. Will my brother smell like moldy cheese?

2. Will I erase the last 6 months of blood, sweat, and tears at the gym and become impregnated by a food baby never to be birthed?

1. Will I get drunk and ask Thomas Keller or ANY man in the restaurant that looks like him, to marry me or have my food baby?